>mr. kanye west –
i’m writing you in a desperate attempt to improve the world of college basketball. last night the ncaa tournament ended and, as always, cbs played the annual “one shining moment” video montage. i’m not sure if you are familiar with it – most people have turned their television off by the time it airs anyway – but it is the cheesiest segment i’ve ever experienced in all my life. apparently it is a tradition. it began back in 1987 and apparently the public went bonkers. i’m not necessarily sure why they insist on the tradition today. its pitifully boring. the worst part is the lyric “you’re a shooting star” – guaranteed that more than 90% of the montages incorporated one of the best in college basketball shooting a slow motion jump shot during that phrase. he is a shooting star. what a feeble pun. it takes a bunch of ballers and makes them look more like baller-inas.
however, i believe you, kanye, can single-handedly do something about it. sample copious amounts of the song, add a beat, throw down some family-appropriate lyrics and send it into cbs. there are so many lines you can sample for choruses and there’s a legit piano going that you could mess around with. like you did with laura nyro on graduation (the glory). just make it a little more energetic and amped instead of leaving it sounding like i should be watching frolicking* unicorns. heck, call up john legend to hammer it down on the keys if you want, or i bet common would jump at the chance to help you out for a verse. or consequence. or mos def. or chris martin. or jay. (this contradicts the “single-handedly” i referenced earlier, but its your prerogative, kanye.)
it is painfully sad to watch incredible athletes perform to such a cornball song. its even more painful knowing that it is going to happen again next year. and the year after that. 21 years of this nonsense is plenty. please help me out here man. you’ve got a year to work your magic. ready break.
adam paul cooper
* – sick.