…i’ve always wanted to use that blog title.
i’m not sure if people saw this, but apparently someone went around setting up “hipster traps” in new york city – fake ray-bans, american spirit cigarettes, a pbr, holga camera and a bike chain on a large bear trap. let’s take a moment to reflect on how perfectly hilarious this is.
hipsters are so funny to me. and funny is the perfect word because they fit both definitions of the word: i literally laugh at them, but i’m also so perplexed by their peculiar ways. they may be the first trendy lifestyle that is completely aware of their strangeness. most labeled groups aren’t conscious of how ridiculously classic they are – ditzes are oblivious, computer programmers look down on others and think they’re the most un-weird people around, drama kids like to sing musical renditions in public settings completely unaware of their embarrassment – but hipters totally understand who they are and are just fine with falling into a perfect stereotype. funny haha, yet funny peculiar as well.
i posted a link on my twitter to the traps knowing full well that my abundance of followers would want to share in my chortle. the next day i received a response via google buzz from a friend of mine that said:
“what would be in your trap?”
at first i was stunned. because i realized that, just like the hipsters, i certainly fall under a certain umbrella too – the only difference being that my umbrella is much smaller than theirs. i recovered well – i soon was able to fully embrace myself, and i started thinking about the five items that would be found in an “apc trap”.
i felt like there needed to be some rules too – obviously i’d be enticed by an iPad or a $100 bill, but wouldn’t everyone? the things needed to be relatively inexpensive, and enticing to me and very few others. my list had to be of equivalent value to the items on the hipster traps. so i needed to put a dollar value on the items and match them accordingly.
so, here are the items i came up with:
pabst blue ribbon: $2
my replacement: a lego boba fett keychain
last time i was in chicago i picked up an admiral ackbar and a stormtrooper at the lego store on michigan ave for $2.50 on sale. i could do a chewbacca, C3PO or lando too. even greedo.
american spirit cigarettes: $5
my replacement: a pack of 2010 Bowman Chrome baseball cards
the hobby packs retail between $4 and $7 depending where you go. i still want that bryce harper usa card, but i could certainly also go for a stephen strasburg, or a jason heyward auto or an aroldis chapman red prospect.
yellow bike chain: $10
my replacement: “rome” – danger mouse & daniele luppi
actually, this would come in the form of a $10 iTunes gift card right now because the album doesn’t actually drop until may 17, but i’ve pre-ordered it on iTunes for $9.99. producer danger mouse (cee lo’s partner in gnarls barkley, creator of the grey album – jay-z’s black album mashed with the beatles’ white album, half of the duo broken bells) is duking it out with kanye west and the neptunes for my favorite producer(s) in the music business, and supposedly this collab with luppi (an italian producer and composer whom i honestly know nothing about) is five years in the making and it’s what danger mouse is truly most passionate about. it was recorded in a church-converted-studio in rome and utilizes vintage instruments and was inspired by the pair’s love for 60’s italian film soundtracks. all i know is that if DM is amped about it, then so am i.
fake ray-bans: $20
my replacement: a dharma initiative metal lunchbox – anyone who loves LOST like i do understands the awesomeness of the dharma initiative and would pounce on that trap if saw something so awesome. would i actually use it to take my lunch in? not a chance. i’d use it to keep secret items in: memories, artifacts, ancient coins, prized possessions, etc. i’d probably hide it under a floor board or in a vault behind a photo of abe lincoln on my wall or something.
holga camera: $30
my replacement: two tickets to a royals or cardinals game in a stadium i’ve never been to before. like san francisco, or new york, or seattle or boston, or los angeles. cheap seats would be fine – whatever price value is equivalent to a holga camera works for me. one of the greatest aspects of baseball is the beauty of the stadiums. the grass, the dirt, the irregular outfield wall shapes with nooks and brick walls…or that strange hill in houston. it’s a gorgeous game and tickets to anywhere would be super rad.
that trap would clamp down on my ankle in a heartbeat, and it might even be worth it. now it’s your turn: what would be in your trap?